It's reasonable to think “I'm still in love with my ex” especially if the breakup is still fresh in your head. You are still clinging to some hope that you will get back together which doesn't mean that the break up had to be recent. You can't help but think “How can I get them back and mend my broken heart?”

It’s natural to yearn for what you use to have and to feel lonesome with the holidays coming up, so be careful what you wish for. The best thing for you might not be getting back together with your ex so before you continue you really need to think it through.

First of all you should think about why you broke up. Doesn't matter what the problems maybe, can you single-handedly mend it? The things that only you can do may be the only things that can be changed if your ex is not on board with trying to make it work.

Your relationship would not have ended if there wasn’t something wrong and you don’t need the same relationship again. Something that is not tempting to your ex is repeating the same old cycle in your relationship so instead you need to include something innovative to it.

For instance, you need to reflect on the relationship and the things that were wrong and what you were always fighting about. Who started the fights, you or him? I didn’t allow him the opportunity to figure things out himself which what I discovered after my breakup and I was way too motherly as I always tried to fix everything. Making him feel like a child and inferior, is what this did. Or allowing her anger and resentment out on her husband, my friend Serena drove him away, are you like that?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing; it allows us to look at the past much more objectively and without emotion. Write down the things you think went wrong and now try and change them. If angry was an issue for you, before attempting to talk to your ex, you need to try and let it go. You need to learn to listen and just be there for him instead of being like me and always trying to fix things. Let him come up with some ideas, it will boost his ego if he can take care of it himself.

By making an sincere effort to change once you have figured out what you must to do, only then can you begin to restore a friendship with your ex. Take things slow and test the waters a little bit. You may scare him off forever if you push too hard. Keep it ever so casual by trying to merely hang out or inviting him out with friends but only if he appears to be responding to your efforts. Let him see that you have changed, don't point it out to him, if it was a real sore spot in your relationship then he will definitely notice.

It is ok if things are going slow as the relationship needs to take its course. Some things heal quicker than others. He needs to see that you have changed for the long haul and that it is not just temporary. Hopefully by the holidays instead of thinking, "I'm still in love with my ex, how can I mend my broken heart?" you will be thinking about what the New Year will bring for the two of you.

They smile as they turn away quickly after you witness him catching her eye. You’ve watched the progression of their "crush" with the long periods of time that they are both to be "missing" from a party and they're seemingly innocent flirting and it is breaking your heart. She’s supposed to be your friend and he’s your husband. Can you forgive him for having an adulterous relationship and heal your broken heart?

When we find out our partner has been cheating on us, the first emotions we experience are hurt and anger. Is there any way to repair the relationship, stop the affair and get past all the hurt and anger? Are you still in love with him is one of the questions you must ask yourself and the other is if the relationship even worth repairing.

If you want to repair your relationship then one of the first things you need to do put yourself in his shoes, why is he attracted to her? Is he attracted to other women because there is something absent from your relationship? Usually if one partner cheats it is due to the fault of both parties and either their relationship has become stale or one of you (or both) is taking the other for granted. Even if you've been in a relationship for a long time you still need to make your partner feels special. A relationship need to be constantly worked at and maintained in order for it to be successful.

Due to the attention that people get from the opposite sex and how good it makes them feel about themselves is why they have affairs. If out of the blue some great looking guy is flirting with you, imagine how you would feel after years of being in a steady relationship. Suddenly you feel sexy and even a bit naughty, all because he flirted with you and you haven’t felt these things in a long time.

For anyone to take it further than some innocent flirting is no excuse. A heart to heart talk with your partner is what this means you need to have. You need to ask him what his plans are once you have made it clear to him that you know what is going on. Do they love each other? Is he still in love with you? Tell him you realize that there are things in the relationship that you need to work on like not taking him for granted.

If you both decide to work it out and are willing to give 100%, be aware that it will be a rough road. Teaching you to communicated properly to each other and act as a mediator so you both can get your feelings out is what a marriage counselor can do for you, so try and see one if you can. If you can't see a counselor then you both have to be respectful when the other is trying to tell you how they feel.

Also, one of the most important things you need to remember is, if you decide to forgive him, you absolutely CAN NOT throw the affair back in his face. That will not help each other build up the trust in one another.

If you find that you are having trouble forgiving him and you still cannot trust him, you may have to move on to heal your broken heart.

Your friends are always telling you that you are good looking, have a great personality and have so much to offer someone, but you’re thinking "If I'm so great then why am I still alone on a Friday night trying to mend my broken heart?"

If you are prepared to be honest with yourself, the answer may be nearer than you think. You are still single and you are an awesome catch so not all the “good ones” are taken even if most of the time we are walking around in denial and telling ourselves the exact opposite!

Reason #1 – You never seem to attract the right people.

You need to make a list of what you want in a partner and a list of the people you are attracted to, how do they compare? My friend, Belle, for instance, is a beautiful girl and has no trouble getting a date, but her relationships never last more then a few months, why? Belle needs that immediate desirability or she will not give the guy an opportunity. Belle’s attractions are based entirely on sexual attraction and have nothing to do with the guy. With a relationship based on sexual attraction, how do you build a long-term relationship out of it?

Some couples can grow from a sexual relationship to a more meaningful relationship, but it really depends on the people. Unfortunately for Belle, these guys she is attracted to are not the kind of guys that want to settle down, or are the type that will stay faithful. The guys she dated and her list were very different and this is why she always ends up with a broken heart.

What does your list look like? Does the person you want to be with the same person you are attracted to?

Reason #2 – Looking for love in all the wrong places.

How difficult it is to meet a terrific guy is all I continually hear from my friends. Awkwardly, they tell me … a bar when I ask them where they are looking. Anyone who has met someone at a bar has not had a permanent relationship, at least I haven’t.

While there is always a chance that you could meet someone great at a bar, you'd probably have a better chance to meet someone at a coffee shop, a bookstore or even a laundromat. One of my friends met her husband at the bus stop, since they were both there everyday at the same time they struck up a conversation and got to know each other. After a few weeks they finally went on a date. They would not have even made an effort to get to know each on the same intensity as they did at the bus stop if instead they had met at a bar.

Meeting Mr. Right could be as easy as hanging out in some of your favorite places, what are they?

Reason #3 - You listen to your friends and not your gut.

Sometimes what our friends’ think what is best for us and what we believe is best for ourselves is not always the same. I’ll never forget the night my girlfriend introduce her new boyfriend, whom she has been dating for awhile, to her friends.

Right from the get go it was shaky and got totally out of hand as her new boyfriend got drunk. My friend squirmed in her seat as he kept spilling his drink everywhere and got louder and louder. He did not make a good first impression.

"That guy is an idiot and you deserve much better than that!” I told her the next day. She continued to see him and didn’t give into peer pressure as I know I wasn't the only one who told her to dump him.

She ignored me and the others and I am so happy she did because he ended up being an absolutely amazing guy! That night he had been so nervous about meeting all of her friends, he drank too much and ended up acting like a total jerk.

So do you desert potentially wonderful guys by listening to your friends?

The reason you are still alone, could the answer right in front of you? The changes that you need to make, do you now know? So you are not home alone on a Friday night, wondering to yourself "How can I mend my broken heart?” can you make the necessary changes? By submitting your comments you can let me know if there is another reason or two I may have missed.

You see it on TV and in the movies, girl loves boy or boy loves girl but they love someone else. One way or another, they end up living happily ever after by the end of the show. In real life can the fairy tale happen? It is achievable to mend your broken heart and coerce someone into falling in love with you?

To getting that special someone to fall in love with you, here are 3 tips:

1. Common Interests – When people share a common pastime, they are often drawn to one another. As you get to know each other, find out their interests and if you share any. Maybe you share the love of hiking or reading the same type of books, whatever it is you can build on that interest. If they find out that you lied about an interest, you could be breaking their trust and putting the relationship at risk from progressing any further. Also, you never want to be someone you aren’t; you shouldn't have change “who” you are for someone you love.

2. Qualities – When looking for a partner, people often look for individuals who have qualities they love or respect. For example, one of my friends will only go out with men who are over 35, are non-smokers and have a sense of humor. Qualities that are attractive to the person you love, do you have any? When you investigate prior relationships, are there any like qualities shared between ex-partners? Do you share any qualities with them? You have to be careful here and don't try to be just like their past partners, after all there is a reason they broke up. It could be as simple as holding their hand, having the door being held open for them or made them feel special in some way could be that little something they were attracted to.

3. Be a good friend – I believe a good relationship starts with friendship. It may take a long time to get the person you love but as your friendship grows; you will become a vital part in their life. Do not put your life on hold however if they require you, be there for them, and be a good listener. You have to continue living and try dating other people. Looking like you are always just being there for them at every whim you will only make yourself look pathetic. It may sound weird to date other people while you wait for them but you have to show them that you have a life and other people are attracted to you, it may make them look differently at you, they may even find you more attractive.

It's difficult and heartbreaking when the person you love doesn't love you back. However that is not the way it has to be. Just like in the movies or on TV, you too could have a fairy tale ending however if these 3 tips do not work, that person may not be the one for you. Then you will have to know when to move on and try to mend your broken heart.