This is the first of 3 chapters in the "Three Pillars of Self-Esteem" series.

The first of the 3 pillars of self-worth is the facility to let go of fear, guilt, and worry. As indicated in a Psychology Today article on the negative affect of guilt in common ways to improving self-esteem, since guilt is closely identified with the concept of "fault" or "blame," it involves adopting a viewpoint and thought process that many find hard to grasp because the undeniable fact that we actually can rid ourselves of those burdens is not unvaryingly clear to us.

Let's be honest here. Targeting energy on only the positive sides of life is very troublesome when you're involved in your own muck of misgivings with a distorted view of yourself.

In reality, nothing prevents you from living each moment of each day without the unrelenting burdensome bulk of fear, guilt, and worry trampling your spirit. It's not impossible, neither is it very hard with the right attitude.

At last we all want to try to let go of things that haunt our past, start to enjoy the present, and plan for a brighter future. With the proper level of introspection, you can discover how to remove those mental blocks that keep you entangled in the grip of painful memories and weakening negativeness.

Sadly, most people are not be well placed to harness those inner resources and find out how to identify the most notable difference between things that they can change and those they can't and nicely accept that fact, letting them live a more joy filled, fearless life.

Here are a few unusually easy tactics to help cut back the feelings of guilt, fear and worry.

1. Identify those past things around which you're feeling guilty. Take action about those things that you can change and identify the growth lesson in those that you can't and allow them to go.

2. Eliminate the phrases "If only I," "I should have," for example from your vocabulary. These are statements of regret that perpetuate the feelings of guilt. If you have learned what you require to know so you won't have to deal with a repeat performance and you cannot do anything to switch the situation, then you have satisfied your obligation.

3. Straight away shut down anyone who is attempting to make you feel guilty. Often the feelings of guilt are ignited by those closest to us ( siblings, peers mothers and fathers, spouses, etc . ). If you find yourself in the crosshairs of somebody's "guilt-gun" simply say these words to them "You're not trying to make me feel guilty are you?" Usually which will stop the aggressor in their tracks. If they continue, simply repeat the phrase as many times as needed. This refocuses the conversation on their behavior and off the topic for which they were making an attempt to direct blame.

4. Target your attention on the here and now. Fear and worry are all rooted in the future. As humans we have a tendency to look first for those possible events in the future that may be harmful to us to the exclusion of all the other possible paths. The secret's to identify and accentuate the other possible paths as viable alternative outcomes to those which we fear.

You, and only you, can make this major change in your life. On occasion, you just could need to find some help finding those resources within you. Once you do, you will never be the same.

If you need further help with this issue, I suggest that you have a look at the "Dissolve Fear, Guilt & Worry" program found at our how to improve self-esteem resource.

This is the second of 3 installments in the "Three Pillars of Self-Esteem" series.

The second pillar of robust self-esteem is to recover your natural capability to recognise and even depend on your inner voice of wisdom and guidance. Some of the people call it "trusting your gut" others reference it as "intuition" or your "sixth sense." I call it being "illuminated."

There's not a lot more exasperating than knowing you can do much better in life but just can't appear to get there. Within, you're feeling without an iota of doubt that you are much more capable in general and that your true "self" is locked up within howling to get out. Your heart tells you that you've got the strength and capabilities heretofore unproven, but that they reside in you unemployed. You can't seem to make contact with your "higher" self. You're feeling like you are in the dark, stifled by your frustration.

As revealed by top selling writer Robin Jayne Dedeker (self-esteem), "Every person among us has the gift of intuition within themselves." Unfortunately, as we progress thru life it's not uncommon for many of us to lose contact with our authentic and naturally intuitive selves. We start to listen more to what's going down on the outside and less to the critical messages being broadcast on the inside.

Those that reconnect with those inner messages and live the illuminated life experience a deep sense of "knowing" that leads to unshakable confidence and a straightforwardness of achievement.

As you start to listen for that little, quiet voice within, you start a voyage of inspiring awareness and self-realization and, with the correct disposition you can at last come to depend on this pillar of self-esteem. As that voice gets more intense with awareness, your natural intuition and self-trust grows revealing intuitive talents, mystic capabilities, and powers of extra-sensory perception.

By raising your self-acceptance and noticing the fantastic creature known as "you," your decisions become self-assured based not only on perceptive decision-making, logic, and sensible realism but also the creativeness that flows deep in your being.

Here are 1 or 2 simple tips to help you reconnect with your intuitive inner voice of guidance :

1. Listen less to what is going on "outside" and more to what is going on within. This includes TV, papers, gossip, and so on. Spend that time in a quiet spot, not especially thinking, but permit yourself the luxury of just "being" for a few moments. Shortly your inner voice will reemerge from the daily noise.

2. Ask yourself open-ended questions on the things in your life you are wrestling with. When you ask yourself questions, be quiet and essentially expect a solution. Simply, an open-ended is one that isn't answered with a "yes" or "no."

3. Permit yourself the liberty to "feel" the answers to the challenges you face. Your answers may not come as a "voice" but as a feeling or sense to take action.

When you realize the new probabilities and start to explore and experience the inner illuminated you, your life will immediately take on a different meaning and reflect that meaning to those around you. You'll learn to depend on your intuition to make better choices, that will cause more positive results in your life. You will almost explode with a new found appreciation for "you." For assistance in finding your "illuminated" self, go to self-confidence.

I'm a Pollyanna. My new husband can't believe I've managed to get past 50 unscathed. How have a made it to middle age without getting disillusioned?

If I think back, there have been a few times when I have been ripped off. But every time I've managed to pick myself up and start afresh. So looking back, it's true to say my whole experience of life is determined by my attitude. As an optimist, the good experiences in my past are always uppermost in my mind, not the bad ones.

Now consider the pessimist, who recalls the bad events in their life instead of the good ones. In a crisis, that person is more likely to expect the worst, while I hope for the best. The person who fears the worst is more likely to focus on preparing for that worst possible outcome, at the expense of trying to make things better. Because I'm focussed on a good outcome, I'm more likely to find ways to reach that goal.

Of course, that can mean I'm unprepared if the worst does happen! However, thanks to my attitude, that's less likely to be the case.

So, attitude not only determines how you experience life, it also determines your actions, and therefore can affect the course of your life. But is attitude genetic, or set in our childhood - or can we change it? Can someone who is a natural pessimist see the sunny side of things'glass half empty' change their natural bent? I think they can. Your attitude to life is linked to your attitude to yourself. In my view, dance training has made a huge difference to my self-esteem and therefore my view of life. I see it often in belly dance class - it's wonderful to watch shy, hesitant women blossom into confident dancers, and with that confidence comes a new outlook on life!

If you would like to know techniques on how to increase self confidence, there are a lot of them so you really don't have to be concerned. It's normal to search for techniques to make you really feel much more assured about your self. No one desires the feeling of being excessively aware about themselves just because their own self-assurance is very low.

One of the worst emotions that you can have is the disappointment of not being able to express what you actually wish to express or not being able to show what you happen to be capable of doing. You don't feel that you can really do it; when in fact you can. If only you had the courage to step up and speak. If only you have the confidence.

One simple and easy step on how to increase self confidence is to write down the things that you are good at. There's no need to feel ashamed simply because it's just you who's writing it. No one will see that you are writing it, so write the things that you know you are able to do really well. Write it confidently and honestly.

When you have created the draft of the things that you are good at, rewrite it on a pretty paper and place it on your mirror or on your bedside stand. Place it somewhere you can see it each and every day. Move it around so you will not get so used to seeing it that you don't even notice it any longer.

You should also read it out loud. That is going to be your reminder that there are some things that you can be confident about. Make it a habit until such time that you don't have to remind your self any longer about how good you are.

Yet another way to improve your self confidence is by praising your self in front of the mirror. Compliment the way you look good in that new clothing or how your hair looks good when it's down. These things may be trivial and even a little foolish, however it certainly can help. It all starts with the smallest things. When you keep on complimenting your self, you'll eventually feel good about it and will be ready to walk confidently.

The crowd that you hang with is also an essential aspect to develop self confidence. If you are generally with people who don't know how to smile or how to be thankful, then that may be a genuine problem. Affiliate with people who are positive and who've a good view on life.

Should you keep on hanging around with people who have a dark personality, you'll just feel more down and won't be able to smile and feel good. But if you keep on hanging out or staying with people who really like to smile, have fun, and see the beauty in life, you will be someone who's just like them, as well, happy, radiant and confident.

Probably the most essential point to keep in mind when increasing your self confidence is just believing in your self. Do not put your self down. The very first person who needs to believe in you as well as your capabilities is no one else but you.

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